So, Farewell then...

…Ruth Kelly. The diminutive, Opus Dei’d transport secretary has announced that she is to stand down at the next election. I cannot claim to be disappointed.

Although she’s given ‘time with family’ – that tired old cliché – as her reason for standing down, I can’t be alone in thinking good riddance.

For starters, Ms Kelly has not had an illustrious career as a minister – not least as a rather terrible Communities Secretary, where she presided over nascent bungled housing reforms and fucked up moves to unitary and regional government. A quick aside: when she was in this role I very nearly vomited over her, one coffee-fuelled, conference-hungover morning. More of this at a later date, no doubt.

Secondly, the whole fundamentalist Catholicism really grates. There’s widespread muttering that one of the reasons she’s going is that she opposes the embraeology bill on religious grounds. One of the few pieces of government legislation in the last two parliaments that I’ve honestly approved of, and she’s been assiduously working backchannels to stunt it. If ever there was a better example of why church and state – let alone politicians and judiciary - should always be separate, it’s Ms Kelly.

But thirdly, finally and most vividly, it’s all about her voice. She’s possessed of a hollow, hectoring, patronising tone that wouldn’t seem out of place in a public-school, Sunday-service pulpit. She intones sentitious, holier-than-thou monologues with all the humanity and passion of a dead haddock. Every, EVERY, time her voice pops up on the radio, I’m stricken with Tourettes and an insatiable urge to fling the stereo from the nearest, highest window.

The only other person to whom I have this response is Sarah Palin – a woman whose voice embodies that tired American trope which makes merit of mediocrity, normality, being blinkered, and celebrates small-town bigotry… without looking at her you just know she’s got her chin stuck out and her eyes sighted straight down the line of her nose* and that she thinks that anyone with an opinion different to her is a moose to be field-dressed. And then crucified.

I am not entirely sure why I have this reaction – maybe I was scarred whilst young by a teacher of similar tonality. But, ultimately, I’m very glad la Kelly is fucking off. And I rather hope that Palin goes the way of the dodo soon, too. Otherwise I'm quite scared for the future.



*the Alaskan version of snapping your fingers and wiggling your head from side-to-side. I’ve also seen this is Luton.